How to Handle a Virtual Assistant That is Overstating How Much Work They Are Doing

I am going through this right now, so I wanted to write about this.

I have somebody on my team who is doing more technical work. When he talks he goes into these long monologues about how much work he is doing, how the radiator compactor is not fitting in the duct filler, Blah blah blah. It’s garbage. And I know it.

This is a pure example of getting caught hiring somebody with a poor attitude.

They interview exceptionally well, and when they take the job, the excuses start coming in. These are not team players, and I am quick to find these people in the first 7 days.

To anybody hiring teammates. Here are the red flags to spot:

1. Over-explaining simple tasks: They act like they are literally building a spaceship going to mars. “The radius of the sun at degree 11 is going to prevent me from sending this email.” WOW this stuff pisses me off. All I asked you to do is write an email. REAL PROFESSIONALS SIMPLIFY. AMATEURS COMPLICATE. And do not even get me started on anybody with a more technical skillset. They are the KINGS of overcomplicating everything because they know it contributes to their pay rate. Losers.
2. Task Inflation: I have this. I have that. I have this meeting. Oh and that is keeping me from doing this thing you are talking about. A 10-minute job is suddenly stretched out to 8 hours. Why? Because I know they think I am a rookie and that I believe time = value. Wrong. I believe in work getting done efficiently and quickly.
3. Too Many “But” Statements: “But” “But” “But” – If I hear this word after every time they speak, I know I have the wrong fit. “BUT” is the word of non-believers. Of people that do not take action. Of excuse-makers. I do not have time for anything BUT getting shit done. Either get it done or get out. That is the mindset to work here.
4. Over-reliance on external factors: They are constantly talking about needing this software, that tool, more time, more teammates before they can get the job done. Let me tell you, a real pro can make it work with pen and paper if they have to. This idea of “perfect conditions” to perform is garbage.
5. Victim mentality energy: Everything is suddenly sooooo hard. Every task is some major ordeal. They make it out to be an event. They talk like they’re climbing Mount Everest. The reality is SUPER SIMPLE. They are just avoiding accountability. You need people who look at problems and say “YUP,  I’ll handle it.” Not one who cries about how hard they are working. We are ALL working hard. Let me spell it out. You are just being L. A. Z. Y. lay**-**zee. LAZY.

How to solve:

1. Results = value: Manage the team to tasks as much as possible. When you see this happen quickly move people to manage their tasks in a formal process. I want to progress. If you are checking off 1 or 2 things from your task management board per day, I am sorry… You are not a good fit and you need to go.
2. Set deadlines: Give these people just enough pressure on deadlines. Force them to speak it into existence. For them to tell everybody in the room their commitments. We would do this with salespeople during pipeline reviews. Bring this practice into your back-office staff. You’ll quickly see a change in output. Absolutely NOBODY wants to join the next meeting having negated on all their commitments.
3. Fire quickly: Do not get in the cycle of caving into their demands. Real leaders don’t cave to their demands. You’ll end up shooting yourself in the foot with more tech, team, and process bloat. You want to run lean and keep things simple.

Ultimately, if you catch these people on your team, the likelihood of them sticking around is slim. This is an attitude and mindset issue. As soon as I see this, I will silently recruit to remove the mole.

This is why I say adamantly to hire of attitude and train on skills.

This is not a skills issue.

This is not a process issue.

This is an attitude issue.

And no amount of training, mentoring, or coaching will fix a bad mindset.

Anyway, this kind of stuff will happen to all of us as we build teams. I guarantee it. No amount of personality testing can keep a schemer from scheming. It’s on you to have a nose for bullshit and cut out these bottom feeders quickly.